My greatest ideas, without a doubt, comes when I’m taking a shower, putting on make up, removing black dots in my face (yeah, thats a bad habit of mine, lets not talk about it) or biking home after teaching class. In the moments where I am doing something, but not really think about what I’m doing. When I’m on autopilot.
Today I was thinking of running. Or actually, the way we, or at least I, tend to make up ideas about ourselves. We tell ourselves we can’t do this, can’t do that, and the failure is there before we know it. Of course, ”I knew it”. For me, one example was running.
For my whole life I have been telling myself that I am lazy, I am not a runner, I don’t have the winners mind bla bla bla.. You see where I’m going? My mindset was ”Let’s put it out there so I don’t need to feel like an idiot when I fail”. Because I knew I would fail.
You think I failed? Oh yes in deed. How could I not fail with that attitude towards myself?
Well, this summer I got shit angry on myself and decided to change my attitude. I did on of those major personality changes (yes you can do that) in 2008 and perhaps it was just time for another one. Back then, someone told me that I was the most negative person he had met. I didn’t enjoy that punch in the face and tried to change – I’ll let you judge if I succeeded or not.
Back to the anger. I was in Gothenburg with my love and another darling (miss you babe, will you ever come back home?) walking somewhere (or were we just sipping cocktails?), talking about the important stuff, as always. The darling in this story, is a kick ass runner, and I let my thought go down the same road as many times before, thinking ”oh I wish I could run to, buhu”. And in the middle of this pity party I gave myself a spiritual bitch slap and let my mouth form the words: I’m gonna stop telling myself I can’t be a runner and start being a m*other f*uckin runner. I will start to run, and I will continue, damn it.
And since then I run. Simple as that. No, it’s not a joke, it only took 27 years to figure. The ONLY thing I needed to do, was dropping that bad attitude and never forgetting WHY I run. Not run on others permissions. I run because I want to love it, I run in a way to fall in love. I NEVER run to cut my personal record. I don’t even know what that number is, anyway. I NEVER tell myself that I have to run a certain distance. That shit doesn’t work for me, and why should I care? I want to love it for the rest of my life. I don’t need a passionate affair with short intense periods of dating. I need a long, solid, rock steady relationship with the power to overcome all obstacles with love.
I am totally high on the fact that a few word can manifest your whole future, how you look at things. And I am pretty sure that this is not only applicable to running, and that I am not alone with these thoughts. Why not try this at home? What ideas about yourself do you want to let go and what power do you want to manifest?
It’s up to you.